Energy In Negotiation

I used to dread negotiations early in my career... Then I realized: Being a strong negotiator isn’t about confrontation. It’s about developing the right frameworks. Here are five game-changing approaches to  negotiate every deal more effectively: 🤝 The 4 Phases Framework (h/t: Roy Lewicki) Great negotiators don’t jump straight to bargaining.  They follow a structured process: • Preparation (lay the groundwork) • Information Exchange (build mutual understanding) • Bargaining (explore potential solutions) • Commitment (secure the agreement) 💪 The BATNA Strategy (h/t: Roger Fisher & William Ury) Your power in any negotiation comes from knowing  your Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement (BATNA). It’s your safety net, your source of confidence.  Always define it before you start. 🎯 The Negotiation Matrix (h/t: Lewicki & Hiam) Different situations call for different strategies: • High stakes? Compete. • Building a long-term relationship? Collaborate. • Minor issue? Avoidance might be best. • The relationship is too critical? Accommodate. • Both matter equally? Compromise. 🤔 The Harvard Principled Negotiation Method (h/t: Fisher, Ury & Patton) This is a game-changer: Focus on interests, not positions. Instead of asking what they want, ask why they want it. That’s where real value creation happens. 🎯 The ZOPA Framework (h/t: Fisher & Ury) The Zone of Possible Agreement (ZOPA) is where deals get made. Understanding both sides’ limits helps you identify common ground. Everything else? It's just noise. Key takeaway: The best deals happen when both sides feel heard. And the most successful negotiators aren’t the most aggressive. They’re simply the most prepared. ♻️ Find this valuable? Repost to your network. 💡 Follow Eric Partaker for more on business & leadership.

You’re more influenced by the people around you than you think… far more. Social contagion, the process by which emotions, behaviors, and ideas spread through groups, isn’t something that happens only in tight-knit friendships. It happens in workplaces, classrooms, and even through the digital spaces we scroll through daily. Research shows that emotions like happiness and sadness ripple through social networks much like viruses (Rosenquist, Fowler, & Christakis, 2011). In professional settings, behaviors like rudeness or generosity can cascade across entire teams (Foulk et al., 2016). Among students, things like motivation and engagement are surprisingly contagious (Burgess, 2018). And the digital world isn’t exempt. A now-famous Facebook experiment found that users’ emotions could be influenced simply by adjusting the tone of the content they were exposed to (Kramer, Guillory, & Hancock, 2014), without their awareness (ethically questionable). The takeaway is that what surrounds you, both physically and digitally, shapes how you feel, think, and act. Even when you believe you’re making entirely independent decisions, the influence is already at work. So be really conscious of who you’re time with, and how they’re either ‘good’ for you, or not. And if they’re not, try to limit exposure for the sake of your energy, your beliefs, and your motivation. P.S. Would you say you’re aware of who’s really influencing you? Research: Rosenquist, J. N., Fowler, J. H., & Christakis, N. A. (2011). Social network determinants of depression. Molecular Psychiatry, 16, 273–281. Foulk, T. A., Woolum, A. H., & Erez, A. (2016). Catching rudeness is like catching a cold: The contagion effects of low-intensity negative behaviors. Journal of Applied Psych, 101(1), 50–67. Burgess, L. G., Riddell, P. M., Fancourt, A., & Murayama, K. (2018). The influence of social contagion within education: A motivational perspective. Mind, Brain, and Education, 12(4), 164-174. Kramer, A. D. I., Guillory, J. E., & Hancock, J. T. (2014). Experimental evidence of massive-scale emotional contagion through social networks. PNAS, 111(24), 8788–8790.

In business and life, the best outcomes go to the best negotiators. Most people think negotiation is about winning. It's actually about understanding. What separates good deals from great ones? It's not aggression. It's not manipulation. It's not who talks loudest. It comes down to mastering the human side of the exchange. Here's the path that works: 1. Prepare Like You Mean It Research goes beyond Google. Understand their pressures, their goals, their challenges. Knowledge becomes helpful when used with care. 2. Open With Real Connection Forget the power plays. Start with curiosity and respect. The tone you set in the first 5 minutes shapes everything that follows. 3. Explore What's Underneath People fight for positions. But they negotiate for reasons. "I need a better price" might really mean "My boss needs to see I'm adding value." Find the why behind the what. 4. Trade Value, Create Value The best deals aren't zero-sum. Look for ways both sides can win. Sometimes what costs you little means everything to them. 5. Close With Total Clarity Handshakes aren't contracts. Document what you agreed to. Confirm next steps before you leave. Ambiguity kills more deals than disagreement. The biggest mistake I see leaders make? They negotiate like it's combat. But the best outcomes come from collaboration. When you're across the table, remember: 👂 Listen more than you speak ❓ Ask "Help me understand..." when stuck ⏸️ Take breaks when emotions rise 👟 Know your walk-away point before you sit down Your style matters too. Sometimes you need to compete. Sometimes you need to accommodate. The magic is knowing when to shift. Success isn’t given. It’s negotiated. But how you negotiate determines whether you build bridges or burn them. Choose wisely. 📌 Save this for your next negotiation. ♻️ Repost if this helps you (or someone on your team) negotiate. 👉 Follow Desiree Gruber for more tools on storytelling, leadership, and brand building.

As a cardiologist there are many reasons I want you to learn to master your stress. It won’t just make life feel better, it’ll also protect your physical heart (and other organs.) Difficult emotions can harm the physical heart. For example, a meta-analysis (1) of 30 prospective studies with 893,850 participants and follow-ups ranging from 2 to 37 years, found that depression predicted the excess risk of developing coronary heart disease or heart attack. Anxiety, traumatic events, anger, frustration, and unrelenting job stress all pose similar cardiovascular risks (2), and likely share a common physiologic pathway. The most extreme example of negative emotions impacting heart health is a condition known as stress cardiomyopathy, commonly referred to as “broken heart syndrome.” In this condition, the physical heart weakens and sometimes fails as a result of extreme grief, emotional distress, or surprise. The risk of heart attack increases 21-fold within 24 hours after the loss of a loved one. (3) So remember that as we learn to master our stress it not only feels good for our emotional heart it’s also healthier for our physical heart. Stay tuned for more on the mind-heart connection in my forthcoming book "Just One Heart" due out in 8 weeks. How will you nurture your one heart today? 1. Gan, Y., Gong, Y., Tong, X. et al. Depression and the risk of coronary heart disease: a meta-analysis of prospective cohort studies. BMC Psychiatry 14, 371 (2014). https://lnkd.in/guwFiERx 2. Mittleman MA, Mostofsky E. Physical, psychological and chemical triggers of acute cardiovascular events: preventive strategies. Circulation. 2011;124(3):346-354. doi:10.1161/CIRCULATIONAHA.110.968776 3. Mostofsky E, Maclure M, Sherwood JB, Tofler GH, Muller JE, Mittleman MA. Risk of acute myocardial infarction after the death of a significant person in one's life: the Determinants of Myocardial Infarction Onset Study. Circulation. 2012;125(3):491-496. doi:10.1161/CIRCULATIONAHA.111.061770 #justoneheart #health #emotionalintelligence #mindfulness #healthcare #psychology #positivepsychology #cardiology

Conflict is inevitable. How we manage it is both an art and a science. In my work with executives, I often discuss Thomas Kilmann's five types of conflict managers: (1) The Competitor – Focuses on winning, sometimes forgetting there’s another human on the other side. (2) The Avoider – Pretends conflict doesn’t exist, hoping it disappears (spoiler: it doesn’t). (3) The Compromiser – Splits the difference, often leaving both sides feeling like nobody really wins. (4) The Accommodator – Prioritizes relationships over their own needs, sometimes at their own expense. (5) The Collaborator – Works hard to find a win-win, but it takes effort. The style we use during conflict depends on how we manage the tension between empathy and assertiveness. (a) Assertiveness: The ability to express your needs, boundaries, and interests clearly and confidently. It’s standing your ground—without steamrolling others. Competitors do this naturally, sometimes too much. Avoiders and accommodators? Not so much. (b) Empathy: The ability to recognize and consider the other person’s perspective, emotions, and needs. It’s stepping into their shoes before taking a step forward. Accommodators thrive here, sometimes at their own expense. Competitors? They might need a reminder that the other side has feelings too. Balancing both is the key to successful negotiation. Here’s how: - Know your default mode. Are you more likely to fight, flee, or fold? Self-awareness is step one. - Swap 'but' for 'and' – “I hear your concerns, and I’d like to explore a solution that works for both of us.” This keeps both voices in the conversation. - Be clear, not combative. Assertiveness isn’t aggression; it’s clarity. Replace “You’re wrong” with “I see it differently—here’s why.” - Make space for emotions. Negotiations aren’t just about logic. Acknowledge emotions (yours and theirs) so they don’t hijack the conversation. - Negotiate the process, not just the outcome. If you’re dealing with a competitor, set ground rules upfront. If it’s an avoider, create a low-stakes way to engage. Great negotiators don’t just stick to their natural style—they adapt. Which conflict style do you tend to default to? And how do you balance empathy with assertiveness? #ConflictResolution #Negotiation #Leadership #Empathy #Assertiveness #Leadership #DecisionMaking

If you’ve ever been in a tough conversation (like getting surprise feedback from your boss, disagreement with your partner, or a tense conversation that suddenly turns emotional), you know that feeling: your heart races, your face gets warm, and your mind blanks. The worst thing you can do at that moment is try to “push through.” Because when emotions run high, real listening and problem-solving shut down. Here’s what to do instead: 1. Step back before you react If you feel adrenaline kicking in, pause. Try saying: • “Let me gather my thoughts. Can we circle back on this?” • “Let’s pause here and revisit on Friday” You’re not avoiding the issue; you’re creating space for a better outcome. If they’re the one who’s emotional, lead with calm: “Let’s take a little breather. I’m going to grab some coffee. Let’s regroup in 10 minutes.” You’d be amazed how much tension disappears in those few quiet minutes. 2. Find common ground When you return, start with what you agree on: • “We both want this project to succeed” • “We’re on the same page about the goal” Agreement softens defensiveness and rebuilds trust. 3. Shift to next steps Once things cool down, move forward: • “What’s our next step?” • “How do we resolve this?” Focusing on solutions gets everyone out of the emotional past and back into progress. The takeaway: In emotionally charged moments, calm is your greatest communication tool. Instead of winning the argument, try to regain clarity and guide the conversation forward.

They didn’t lose the deal because of the numbers. They lost it because they couldn’t hold their nerve. It's the same on street corners and in boardrooms. The pressure spikes. A word lands wrong. Someone flinches. And in that moment, composure cracks. The outcome changes. Most negotiation training skips this part entirely. They teach tactics, scripts, and frameworks. But if you don’t know your emotional triggers, you’re building on sand. Under pressure, it all collapses. Here’s one part of my own prep before every negotiation, and what I teach my clients worldwide: 𝟭. 𝗦𝗲𝗹𝗳-𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗲𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗲 → Scan for tension, nerves, or frustration before you walk in → Name it, don’t bury it 𝟮. 𝗜𝗱𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗳𝘆 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘁𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗴𝗲𝗿𝘀 → Know exactly what will set you off → Write them down. Yes, really do it 𝟯. 𝗥𝘂𝗻 “𝗲𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗱𝗿𝗶𝗹𝗹𝘀” → Visualise the moments that could shake you → Rehearse your response: slower breath, steady tone, reset your frame 𝟰. 𝗖𝗵𝗲𝗰𝗸 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀 → Ask: “Can I stay calm if this goes sideways?” → If not, 𝗱𝗿𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗮𝗴𝗮𝗶𝗻 I use EQ-i insights to catch my blind spots before the room exposes them. Because when you train emotional control as a repeatable skill, not a “nice to have”. You keep your power while others lose theirs. You can’t wing your emotions and expect to win under fire. The calmest person in the room controls the room. And when you control the room, you control the outcome The fastest way to be seen as sharp? Share sharp thinking. 𝗥𝗲𝗽𝗼𝘀𝘁 𝗶𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗮𝗱𝗱𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗻 𝗲𝗱𝗴𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀. ---------- My free newsletter is where I share expert insights that don’t fit in a post. One email a week - focused, useful, and real. Join me: 𝗟𝗶𝗻𝗸 is in the 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘀 𝗯𝗲𝗹𝗼𝘄

𝐈𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧’𝐭 𝐠𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐝. Two colleagues, both sharp, capable, and genuinely committed, were working toward a tight deadline when a small misunderstanding derailed everything. Nothing major. Just a few words lost in translation. But somewhere between “I thought you meant…” and “That’s not what I understood…”, things went sideways. By the time I met them for a coaching session, the tension had eased, but what lingered was a quieter kind of exhaustion. Not burnout, but the fatigue that comes from giving your best and still ending up out of sync. They weren’t angry anymore. Just tired, and unsure how things had gotten so tangled. As we talked, it became clear this wasn’t about capability or intent. It was about clarity, how easily it slips away when everyone’s moving fast and assuming alignment. We explored what I call the 𝐂𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐑 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐬, not as a model, but as a reminder of how teams find their rhythm again: → 𝐂𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐨𝐧 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐌𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬: When priorities are visible and shared, effort stops scattering in different directions. → 𝐋𝐞𝐭 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐋𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧: Create space for mistakes, it’s how ownership grows. → 𝐄𝐧𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐎𝐰𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩: Give people the tools and trust to act without waiting for approval. → 𝐀𝐜𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐥𝐞𝐝𝐠𝐞 𝐖𝐢𝐧𝐬: Small celebrations keep momentum alive far longer than pressure ever will. → 𝐑𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐭 𝐎𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐧:  Regular check-ins keep alignment alive; clarity fades faster than intent if you stop talking. A few weeks later, the same team hadn’t just resolved their issue, they’d found their flow again. Decisions were faster, meetings lighter, and the energy felt different, focused, collaborative, and confident. Because most problems at work don’t start with skill gaps or bad intent. They start when clarity disappears. And they end the moment it returns. 👉 Where in your work could more clarity make everything else easier? #Leadership #TeamPerformance #HighPerformingTeams #TrustAndAccountability #LeadWithImpact

Building ‘thinking’ football teams… When I was sport psychology consultant at Feyenoord I was given permission by Arne Slot to work with small groups of players. The aim was to develop task cohesion and improve the team shared mental model we had developed around High Performance Mindset (HPM). Players in all sports don’t talk enough. Their stock and trade is action - to do rather than think, to do rather than talk. Whilst this doesn’t necessarily cause a problem, it does eliminate a coaching tool that can aid in developing a team - conversation. Conversation between players isn’t prized enough in professional sport. Discourse is a high performance enabler and I’m going to provide you with a few reasons why. 1. It primes attention. Conversation allows players to share what they’re looking for as they compete. It gives them an opportunity to discuss the cues they see…what cues help and what cues hinder. Conversation can bolster a more accurate external focus of attention during a game. 2. It primes intensity. Conversation allows players to share with each other what frustrates them and what causes over-activation. And it allows them to discuss the indicators of lower activation (such as lethargy) so that teammmates can better identify this situation and learn how to help them. 3. It primes intent. Conversation can help players to clarify the game plan better enabling them to play purposefully, positively, and proactively. It can help them discuss the specific challenges they face when their team shape breaks down or how they’ll help each other deal with the constant probing of the opposition. Conversation is a rarity in elite adult (and developing elite adult) sport. Coaches can be fearful of players over-thinking. Coaches can be scared of players confusing themselves. Coaches can be worried that players will push back at the idea of having to exercise their cerebral muscles. So this is where the skill of facilitation needs to be developed. The abiiity to ask open questions, listen carefully, reflect back what’s heard, break points made down to controllables, make suggestions, on-board players into the conversation. This is where the art and science of conversational facilitation collide. This is coaching. This is coaching excellence…

People feel before they think, or more precisely, they feel while they think.   And often, that’s what shapes their reality.   We love to believe we’re logical creatures. That our ideas will be heard if they’re well-structured, supported by data, and clearly delivered. We like to believe that logic leads our decisions. That reason comes first, emotion second.   Neuroscience and behavioral psychology tell a different story. One that every leader, speaker, and communicator needs to understand.   Antonio Damasio, a renowned neuroscientist, studied patients with damage to the part of the brain responsible for integrating emotion with decision-making. These individuals could still process information logically, but they couldn’t decide. They’d spend hours debating trivial matters, unable to move forward. Without emotion, even the most rational mind stalls.   Nobel laureate Daniel Kahneman introduced us to the concept of two systems of thinking. – System 1: fast, emotional, automatic. – System 2: slow, deliberate, analytical.   Most decisions are made by System 1, then justified (post-rationalized) by System 2. In other words, we often feel first and think second.   This has profound implications for how we lead and communicate.   When we speak, advise, or try to influence, we usually focus on content—on what we want people to understand.   People don’t absorb meaning through logic alone. They interpret it through emotional filters: – Do I feel safe with this person? – Do I trust their intent? – Do I feel respected and seen?   If the emotional atmosphere is off, even the best ideas fall flat.   This doesn’t mean abandoning logic. It means understanding that emotional presence is a prerequisite for cognitive impact. Before people remember your message, they remember how you made them feel.   Next time you're preparing for an important conversation or a presentation, don’t just ask, what am I going to say? Ask: – What do I want them to feel? – What emotional cues am I sending, consciously or not?   Influence is not just about clarity. It’s about connection. And connection always begins with emotion.