Leading With Empathy

I was shadowing a coaching client in her leadership meeting when I watched this brilliant woman apologize six times in 30 minutes. 1. “Sorry, this might be off-topic, but..." 2. “I'm could be wrong, but what if we..." 3. “Sorry again, I know we're running short on time..." 4. “I don't want to step on anyone's toes, but..." 5. “This is just my opinion, but..." 6. “Sorry if I'm being too pushy..." Her ideas? They were game-changing. Every single one. Here's what I've learned after decades of coaching women leaders: Women are masterful at reading the room and keeping everyone comfortable. It's a superpower. But when we consistently prioritize others' comfort over our own voice, we rob ourselves, and our teams, of our full contribution. The alternative isn't to become aggressive or dismissive. It's to practice “gracious assertion": • Replace "Sorry to interrupt" with "I'd like to add to that" • Replace "This might be stupid, but..." with "Here's another perspective" • Replace "I hope this makes sense" with "Let me know what questions you have" • Replace "I don't want to step on toes" with "I have a different approach" • Replace "This is just my opinion" with "Based on my experience" • Replace "Sorry if I'm being pushy" with "I feel strongly about this because" But how do you know if you're hitting the right note? Ask yourself these three questions: • Am I stating my needs clearly while respecting others' perspectives? (Assertive) • Am I dismissing others' input or bulldozing through objections? (Aggressive) • Am I hinting at what I want instead of directly asking for it? (Passive-aggressive) You can be considerate AND confident. You can make space for others AND take up space yourself. Your comfort matters too. Your voice matters too. Your ideas matter too. And most importantly, YOU matter. @she.shines.inc #Womenleaders #Confidence #selfadvocacy

🗣️“Amy, You need to take up more space, stop deferring to others." Last year, this feedback burned into Amy’s memory. She’d walked out of her 2024 performance review, determined to “step up.” Speak more in meetings. Push harder on decisions. Stop softening her tone so she wouldn’t intimidate anyone. She did exactly that. Fast forward 2025. Same conference room. Same 2 VPs across the table. 🔇“"Some stakeholders have found your style... a bit much." 😑 Amy stared at them, speechless. Wasn’t that what you asked for last year? Which version of me do you actually want? She thought about the past year: 🤔 The time she challenged a flawed budget forecast in front of the CFO, saving the company $3 million, but earning whispers that she was “abrasive.” 🤔 The time she stepped in to rescue a failing project, praised for her “grit” publicly, yet privately told she “dominated the room.” 🤔 The time she finally got invited to an executive offsite, only to overhear a VP say, “She’s great, but can be… a lot.” This is the tightrope trap senior women walk daily: • Be assertive, but not too assertive. • Be collaborative, but don’t fade into the background. • Be visible, but not “hungry.”    The same behavior praised in men (decisive, strong leader) gets women penalized as abrasive or too much. Until you set the narrative yourself, you’re trapped performing for a moving target. If you’re exhausted from balancing on a wire men don’t even see, here’s how to step off it and still rise. 1. Audit the pattern, not just the feedback • Track every piece of feedback, especially contradiction. Patterns reveal bias. If the goal keeps moving, it's not you! • Phrase to use in review: “Last year I was encouraged to increase my presence; this year I’m told to soften it. Can we clarify what success really looks like?”    2. Control the frame before the room does • Pre‑set the narrative in 1:1s and emails leading up to reviews. I.e., “This year I focused on driving results while bringing the team with me, you’ll see that reflected in project X and Y.” • This primes leadership to view your assertiveness as an intentional strategy, not a personality flaw.    3. Build echo chambers, not just results • Secure 2–3 allies who reinforce your strengths in rooms you’re not in. • Promotions happen in the absence, you need people echoing your narrative, not someone else’s.    Women aren’t just asked to deliver results. They’re asked to perform, decode, and reframe, all while walking a wire men don’t even see. That's exactly what our signature program ⭐"𝗙𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗛𝗶𝗱𝗱𝗲𝗻 𝗧𝗮𝗹𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗩𝗶𝘀𝗶𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝗟𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿" ⭐ do, it give you the scripts, strategies, and system to stop performing for a moving target and start positioning yourself on your own terms. Waitlist is closed. Cohort starts Jan 26th. If you're tired of being told to be "more" and "less" in the same breath, DM me before we open to the public.

What does empathy look like in leadership? Last night I sat in an after-hours clinic until 10 p.m. The place was filled with tired parents and restless children as winter illnesses spread across New Zealand. The wait was long, yet the clinic stayed calm. Two nurses worked with precision, and three doctors kept a steady rhythm from room to room. One nurse knelt to a child’s eye level to explain the delay. Another placed a cup of water in a worried mother’s hands without a word. They stayed late so everyone was seen. I was one of the last to be seen, but that is ok because kids deserve to be seen first. Year after year our health system face staff shortages and limited resources. Yet medical staff do their best to make a difference. Last night was a quiet masterclass in empathy, not as a PR slogan to "be kind," but as the culture of showing up when people need you. Then there’s the moment in this clip when Juan Martín del Potro pauses a tennis match so that an injured ball girl can be comforted and replaced. No glory and no extra point for his sportsmanship. Just presence and empathy under pressure. Virtue signaling posts values on a wall and calls it done. Real empathy, by contrast, seeks no recognition and genuinely serves others. The people on my team have families. If work wins and home loses, we all lose. The community pays first, and the business pays later. So, here are my 5 simple tips on how you can lead with empathy: 1. Ask real questions: ⇀ What really matters this month? ⇀ What would make work better? 2. Set humane rules: ⇀ Name the top three priorities. ⇀ No stealth weekend work. 3. Be present in hard moments: ⇀ Have the tough conversations early. ⇀ Support your team in public. 4. Share the load: ⇀ Move deadlines and reassign work. ⇀ Cover a shift. 5. Measure what matters: ⇀ Track energy, trust, and safety. ⇀ Let those guide decisions. Empathy is how we show up for each other, week after week - whether it's for our teams, families, or communities. How has empathy shaped the way you lead, or the way you’ve been led? ------- ➕ Follow Jonathan Maharaj FCPA for finance‑leadership clarity. 🔄 Share this insight with a decision‑maker. 📰 Get deeper breakdowns in Financial Freedom, my free newsletter: https://lnkd.in/gYHdNYzj 📆 Ready to work together? Book your Clarity Session: https://lnkd.in/gyiqCWV2

I’ve always believed this: Strategy wins plans. Empathy wins people. A recent conversation with my team got me thinking about the two sides of the leadership coin: strategy and empathy. You can have the most meticulously crafted roadmap, but if you don’t connect with the people who bring it to life, it remains just that — a plan on paper. Over the years, I’ve learned that empathy isn’t a “soft skill”; it's the foundation of effective execution. The best strategies aren’t just accepted, they’re believed in. This is where embracing experimentation as leadership muscle becomes so vital. Our role as leaders is to inspire confidence, empower curiosity, and make space for teams to test, learn, and even fail. Setbacks aren’t signs of weakness; they’re signals of growth. When we lead with empathy and emotional intelligence, we don’t just build successful businesses, we build resilient, learning organizations that thrive through change and uncertainty. In an age of AI and automation, empathy and curiosity remains the ultimate human edge. True leadership isn’t only about thinking ahead, it’s about feeling ahead. Because when empathy leads, performance follows. I’d love to hear how you’re weaving empathy into your leadership - not just as a value, but as a driver of performance and culture. #Empathy #Leadership #Resilience 

Honesty and directness are two of the most valuable traits in any workplace, yet I feel we are losing them...or losing the skill behind them. While many people are avoiding directness for fear of causing discomfort, others dive into “telling it like it is” without the tact and empathy that make honest feedback constructive. Somewhere along the line, these important qualities got tangled up with conflict or insensitivity, making many people shy away from direct feedback or honest opinions. It's important to recognize that: 💡 People often seek reassurance or pity, but what they often need most is honesty and directness. ⚠️ And if we don't recognize this and we lose honesty and directness, we lose the foundation for trust and growth. ⚡ Empathy and kindness are crucial at work, but they shouldn’t come at the expense of clarity and truth. We need to show people we value them by delivering the truth with empathy and respect. When we do this, we also impact efficiency. Instead of tiptoeing around issues, we can address them, find solutions, and move forward. Problems that might have lingered for months can be addressed in a single, honest conversation. There is no need to choose between being direct and being empathetic! It’s about combining the two thoughtfully. ✔️ Take a moment to notice your own emotion and consider how your words and tone will be received ✔️ Be conscious of tact, timing and empathy ✔️ Be specific and constructive..."I've noticed (specific issue) and I'd like to chat about what we can do about it" ✔️ Focus on the issue not the person ✔️ Encourage people to give YOU constructive feedback...and highlight that it goes both ways ✔️ Stick to facts, not opinions. And be clear on the impact before seeking solutions. Change starts with LEADERS! Research from Edelman’s Trust Barometer shows that transparency and honesty are top drivers of trust in leadership, with 84% of respondents saying that open and honest communication from leaders builds trust. We are all leaders in some respect so we can all ask ourselves...am I being direct and honest enough with the people around me? The people I care about? ❓ What are your thoughts on the topic ❓ How can leaders strike the right balance between honesty and empathy to build a culture of trust ❓ What’s one approach that’s worked well for you ❓ Leave your comments below 🙏 #trust #respect #openness #honesty #leadership #teamwork

Empathy isn’t soft it’s a superpower. Used wrong, it burns leaders out. Here’s how to make it sustainable. Empathic orgs see more creativity, helping, resilience and less burnout and attrition. Employees (esp. Millennials/Gen Z) now expect it. Wearing the “empathy helmet” means you feel everyone’s highs and lows. Middle managers fry first. Caring ≠ self-sacrifice. The fix = Sustainable empathy Care without collapsing by stacking: self-compassion → tuned caring → practice. So drop the martyr mindset. • Notice your stress (name it) • Remember it’s human & shared • Talk to yourself like you would a friend • Ask for help model it and your team will too Why does this matter? Unchecked stress dulls perspective and spikes reactivity. When leaders absorb nonstop venting, next-day negativity rises and so does mistreatment. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Move 2: Tune your caring Two empathies: • Emotional empathy = feel their pain • Empathic concern = help relieve it Keep concern high, distress low. “Caring binds; sharing blinds.” How to tune (in the moment) • 60 seconds of breathing before hard talks • Validate without absorbing: “This is hard and it makes sense.” • Boundaries + presence: “I’m here. Let’s focus on next steps.” • Offer concrete help: “Here’s what we’ll try by Friday.” • Also share joy celebrate wins to refuel the tank Move 3: Treat empathy as a skill It’s trainable. Build emotional balance: shift from absorbing pain → generating care. Try brief compassion meditation (“May you be safe, well, at ease.”) and pre-regulate before tough conversations. Mini audit after tough chats Ask yourself: • How much did I feel with vs. care for? • What do they need long-term? • What will I do to help this week? A simple script 1. Validate: “I can see why this stings.” 2. Future: “Success looks like X.” 3. Action: “Let’s do Y by [date]; I’ll support with Z.” Team rituals that sustain you • Start meetings with “What help do you need?” • Normalize asking for support • Micro-celebrate progress weekly • Protect recovery blocks on calendars Self-compassion + tuned concern + practice = sustainable empathy. What’s one habit you’ll try this week to protect your energy and support your team?

Early in my career, I told my leader that I wanted more practice in my executive presentation skills. She let me know that I could plan on delivering my business unit report at the next month's executive meeting. I was scared, excited and insecure at all once. I prepared as best I knew how. In the meeting, the CEO started rapid-firing his questions. I could feel my face and neck glow bright red. I was starting to stutter in my answers a bit. I felt like I was observing my own train wreck in action. I don't know who felt the most pain in that meeting, me, with the hot neck and sweaty armpits, or my boss, who was watching the train wreck go down in real time. (Have you ever had to watch these?! 🫣) But she embraced a key leadership skill: She didn't intervene. She let me carry on with my presentation, let me handle the answers, and only answered when the CEO directed questions at her. You might be thinking that my boss was a horrible leader for letting me commit a slow form of career death in that meeting. But what if this type of leadership is exactly what women need to lead more confidently, develop others, and cultivate their teams so they can lead more by doing less? What if this is transforming from doing to leading in action? My boss knew exactly what she was doing. I asked her for an opportunity to build my executive presentation skills, and she delivered. She prepped the leaders that this would be my first time. The stakes were low - everyone was having a little fun with me as a first time presenter. Instead of jumping in to rescue me, to play the hero, she allowed me to struggle and coached me after the fact by asking me questions on what I would try differently next time to be more prepared. 🔥 If you want to transform your role from doer to leader, it's important to notice where you are unintentionally taking over to prevent discomfort and struggle, which is exactly where the learning happens. It teaches people they don't need to fully prepare, because you'll step in to save them. Two people lose confidence in this scenario - the employee who doesn't grow new skills and the leader who is overwhelmed from taking over her team's work. Where do you need a pause a bit longer this week and allow people to learn through a bit of struggle? #womenleaders #careers #confidence #leadershipdevelopment

The conversation that changed how I think about emotions wasn't the one I expected. Someone asked me when I last felt my feelings instead of just managing them. I couldn't answer. Because somewhere along the way, I'd gotten so good at staying composed that I forgot to actually feel. Maybe you can relate. The constant push to be the steady leader. To have answers. To keep the team moving forward no matter what. But here's what I've discovered: Real emotional intelligence isn't just about controlling emotions. It's about understanding them first. Controlling your responses. And helping others do the same. Here are 8 ways to build real emotional intelligence: 1. Notice your patterns Track what triggers you during high-stakes moments. When do you feel energized? Depleted? Reactive? Understanding your patterns helps you lead better. 2. Name what you're feeling Replace "I'm fine" with what's actually true. Are you frustrated? Excited? Overwhelmed? Clarity starts with honest labeling. 3. Build in buffer time When tensions rise, count to six before responding. Those six seconds can transform a reaction into a thoughtful response. 4. Protect your energy Schedule tough conversations when you're at your best. Leading through conflict takes more bandwidth than most leaders realize. 5. Listen without solving This is the hardest for me and something I work on every day... Sometimes your team just needs to be heard. Let them share fully before offering solutions. Trust builds in these moments. 6. Read the room Watch for what's not being said in meetings. Crossed arms, silence, sudden energy shifts… these signals matter as much as words. 7. Ask questions that matter "What do you need from me?" beats assumptions. "Help me understand your perspective" opens doors. Real leadership happens in these exchanges. 8. Think beyond your view Before big decisions, consider the ripple effects. How will this land with your team? Your clients? Great leaders think in circles, not straight lines. The truth about emotional intelligence? It's not about being less human. It's about being more connected. Because when leaders understand their own emotions, they create cultures where others can thrive. And that's how you build something extraordinary. 📌 Save this for when emotions run high. ♻️ Repost if this resonates with your leadership journey. 👉 Follow Desiree Gruber for more insights on storytelling, leadership, and brand building.

Memoirs of a Gully Boys Episode 37: #EmotionalIntelligence – The Key to Meaningful Leadership Leadership isn’t just about strategy and execution; it’s about understanding, connecting with, and inspiring people. Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to recognize and manage not only your emotions but also those of others. Over the years, I’ve learned that while technical skills can get you started, it’s emotional intelligence that keeps you ahead. Leading with Empathy During a critical system overhaul, one of my most skilled team members began missing deadlines and appearing disengaged. Instead of reprimanding him, I called for a private conversation. It turned out he was struggling with a personal issue that was affecting his focus. Rather than pushing harder, I offered him flexibility and reassigned some tasks to lighten his load. Within weeks, his performance rebounded, and his gratitude translated into renewed dedication to the project. Lesson 1: Empathy isn’t a weakness in leadership—it’s the strength that builds loyalty and trust. The Art of Active Listening In a client negotiation years ago, tensions were high due to differing expectations. The meeting began with both sides defensive and unwilling to compromise. Instead of countering every point, I focused on actively listening to their concerns without interrupting. Once they felt heard, their stance softened, and we found common ground to move forward. That day, I realized that listening is not just about hearing words—it’s about understanding emotions, intentions, and the bigger picture. Lesson 2: Active listening dissolves barriers and creates pathways for collaboration. Regulating Emotions in High-Stress Situations During a complex software migration, an unexpected system failure triggered panic among stakeholders. As the project lead, I felt the pressure mounting. However, instead of reacting impulsively, I paused, analyzed the situation, and communicated a clear action plan. Keeping emotions in check not only reassured the team but also set the tone for a calm and focused recovery effort. The project was back on track within days, and the team’s confidence grew as a result. Lesson 3: Emotional regulation isn’t about suppressing feelings—it’s about channeling them effectively to lead under pressure. The Power of Recognition Emotional intelligence also lies in recognizing and appreciating people’s contributions. During a grueling project, I made it a point to acknowledge every team member’s effort, no matter how small. The simple act of recognition boosted morale and created a sense of shared ownership. When the project was completed successfully, the celebration felt more collective than individual—a testament to the power of emotional intelligence in fostering unity. Lesson 4: Recognition fuels motivation and strengthens connections within teams. Closing Thoughts Emotional intelligence is the bridge between leadership and humanity. To be continued...

In every organization, regardless of size, I’ve observed that the 3 most underrated qualities of a successful leader that can boost team effectiveness are: 🧘🏽♂️Flexibility 🤔Open-mindedness 🫂Empathy Over the past three decades, my work as a DEI practitioner has helped guide leaders at the senior level discover new ways of thinking and new ways of cultivating successful environments. Here's how these essential qualities impact your business: 🧘🏽♂️Flexibility: Leaders are expected to adapt and pivot, sometimes almost simultaneously on any given day. It can become a taxing part of the job. Being flexible allows leaders to quickly adapt to unforeseen circumstances/challenges and changing environments, ensuring that their teams remain resilient. Team dynamics are constantly evolving and leaders who remain rigid in their approach risk team morale, company culture, and even the company bottom line. Flexible leaders can pivot strategically, recalibrate goals, and help their team navigate uncertainties, fostering a culture that values growth over perfection. 🤔Open-mindedness: A crucial trait because it allows leaders to embrace diverse perspectives and innovate ideas. When leaders are open to alternatives, they encourage creativity and foster an environment of psychological safety where team members feel valued and motivated to contribute. This quality helps strengthen decision-making by incorporating a variety of perspectives but also fosters inclusivity, which is key to attracting and retaining top talent in a diverse workforce. 🫂Empathy: cultivating empathy is an essential leadership skill. Empathy is foundational for building trust and deepening relationships within a team. Leaders who genuinely understand and care about diverse perspectives and challenges can create stronger bonds, which boosts morale and team cohesion. Empathy also enhances a leader’s ability to manage conflicts effectively and guide their teams through stressful periods with compassion, contributing to a workplace culture where individuals feel seen, valued, and respected. If you’d like to learn more about elevating your team’s performance and workspaces, my consulting expertise can help you and your stakeholders. Let’s work together to future-proof your organizations today. Head to my profile to learn more.